Some of you have already done a wedding or two. What have you men learned from your experience? What counsel do you all have for doing weddings? Should I do pre-marital? How long? What resources are good?
Also, what principles should direct us if we are marrying a non-Christian couple? What standards do we hold them to?
If I don't reply right away I will forget. I just did a wedding on Saturday and have three more this summer. Here is a great rule of thumb. So long as the ceremony honors Christ you can do anything you want in any order that you want. There is great freedom in this and couples are encouraged when you share this with them.
ReplyDeletePremarital is a must. As a premarital rule established by our elders we do not commit to doing a wedding ceremony if their date is already set. This does not mean that the couple cannot share dates that they hope work but the wisdom in this rule is seen that the date may need to be bumped if you run into any major counseling issues in premarital. We have done premarital with 4 couples and I can gladly send what we cover. I borrowed a lot of Kurt's stuff too. :) We have averaged around 8 sessions with each couple depending on their spiritual maturity.
I have not done a wedding for unbelievers yet although I would be willing so long as the couple allowed me to share the gospel and give a biblcial explanation of marriage. If they are equally yoked as unbelievers then why not? I would love to hear the thoughts of others. Again, I think I would seize the gospel opportunity and perhaps God might remind them of their need to repent when the marriage trials hit as we know that is inevitable. Either way I am excited to do more weddings. Gospel, gospel, gospel. Any thoughts?
Thanks Jon the wedding man. Please send your docs. I appreciate your elder defined requirements. These are important for all of us to have. These help ease the pressure of going at it alone and making your own requirements. Policies protect.
DeleteI also appreciate the elder defined requirements. But what do you do if someone comes to you with the date already set and the invitations sent out? Will you not marry them or warn them that it may not work out?
DeleteBTW: I think this is what I did to Kurt! Haha! Now that I am doing weddings I understand how this was backwards and inconsiderate. He also shortened a family vacation to be there - thanks again Kurt - Love you Brother!
I have done one Christian wedding and possibly may do an unsaved wedding for Molly's sister.
ReplyDeleteChristian Wedding:
I used some Wayne Mac material for premarital - about 7 sessions, but I would love to see Jon's material!! However, I put a lot more stock in post marital. We go through Sweethearts for a Lifetime with newlyweds - once a month, for one year after they are married. We are in the middle of a study with one couple and have two others in the queue.
Here are a few lessons I learned from my senior to keep the ceremony Christ centered (Amen Jon): Preach the gospel. Have all the details of the ceremony worked out BEFORE the rehearsal. Simple is better and will cut down on chaos. Meet with the coordinator a little before you start the rehearsal to make sure you are one the same page.
Non-Christian Wedding:
Yes, gospel, gospel, gospel! Marriage is a common grace and they should enjoy the fruits of the union. Premarital will look different, but I think you still help them understand the high calling of marriage and that it will be difficult without Christ. Talk about money, in-laws, and communication.
Final question from me - Are we held accountable for marriages that don't make it? I suppose you have two classifications those who are still under your shepherding and those who are not.
Thanks Paul. In regards to marriages that don't make it, I think this is similar to parenting, we are responsible for our stewardship of their time with us, not the decisions they make. We must be faithful.
DeletePut a considerable amount of time into the vows. Here are some that I have come to love - please critique.
ReplyDeletePlease face each other and repeat after me.
I _____________________,
covenant before God and man,
to you __________________,
to be your loving husband.
With humility and gentleness
I will lead you, provide for you, and protect you.
I will love you as my wife even as Christ loved the Church
I pledge to you my life as your loyal and faithful husband.
The Lord do to me and more also
if anything but death parts you from me.
I ____________________,
Covenant before God and man,
To you _________________,
To be your respectful wife
With humility and gentleness
I will follow you, care for you, and support you.
Just as the church is subject to Christ
I submit myself under your headship in everything
I pledge to you my life as a loyal and faithful wife.
The Lord do to me and more also
if anything but death parts you from me.
Exchange of rings:
Please take this ring and place it on __________________ hand and repeat after me (or say "I do")
I, promise to give myself to you
as Christ gave himself to us.
To have and to hold from this day forward,
for better for worse,
for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death do us part.
Please take this ring and place it on _____________ hand and repeat after me (or say "I do").
I, promise to be in loving subjection to you,
as Christ was subject to the Father even unto death.
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better for worse,
for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death do us part.
By the way, I found these two recent blog posts (4/2012) on TGC concerning the question: “Would I Officiate a Wedding for Two Unbelievers?”
ReplyDeleteRussell Moore says “No”
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/04/11/should-ministers-officiate-at-the-weddings-of-unbelievers-no/
Depak Reju from Capitol Hill Baptist Church says, “Yes”
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/04/11/would-i-officiate-a-wedding-for-two-unbelievers-yes/
Also, I found Montoya's notes from his Pastoral Ministry class and those were thorough and helpful too. (Read them if you got em)